I don't even know what's wrong with me... sometimes I just get upset, mad, hurt over the smallest shit. I've been through so much shit in the past with not only exes but my family... I've been hurt a lot and I truly thought I was over being hurt easy. Maybe it's because I'm in a new relationship and I'm letting my guard down to another man? I told myself I wouldn't date anyone seclusive for a while after that last one... and I didn't. I ain't gon' lie... all I did was sex a couple kats up and I dipped. I know a lot of that was because I wasn't over KD and what he did to me... it's crazy how my body, mind and soul... is caring so much about Eazy. He makes me happy, which all relationships do in the beginning, but it's deeper than that and I'm scared because it's all happening so fast. I know he won't do anything to hurt me... but I'm scared of failure once again. If I have a failed relationship after this one, I'm not dating anyone for atleast 9 months. I can't say I won't date again, because I will, but I'm taking that time for me. Sometimes I can be okay and I just think about the girls my man sexed up before me and that shit be gettin' to me. I know it's over and it's the past and them girls ain't got shit on me and his relationship... but damn, I be wondering sometimes... if shit's the same with me as it was them. I don't think it would bother me as much if I hadn't met one of the bitches he fucced. After he sexed with her, she fell in love with him & was all about him. But it gets to me that he fucced her 3 times, and she told him, "if you didn't want a relationship, you shouldn't have had sex with me..." partially she right, I used to be naive that every guy that sexed me wanted to pursue something further, when it wasn't that at all. They saw access to cut and did it. I know I can't be getting mad about that because that was before me, but I guess it's because as I said... I've seen her, I know who she is, and she still wants my man. I don't play that shit. She hasn't ever said anything to me... and I'll be damned if she does now, because that's MY man. I just guess there's still insecurities in the back of my mind because of 90% of me exes cheating on me or lying to me. I know I can't bring that into the future, but shyt, sometimes you've got to protect yourself before settling down in a relationship thinking everythings all good. Hmm, this blog was pointless but I needed to get it outta my mind. I'll return the love... I'll be ghost until Sunday. Leave me some love... *sighs*
BUTTA bytched @ 1:14 PM
Monday, July 26, 2004
Ya'll feelin' the layout? I did it just to be a temp. layout because I wanted this song on my site... but I was feelin' the layout so I just decided to throw some tables on there and call it done. I've been sittin' here since 10:30 fixing my site and my live journal. Thanks to Latorria's LJ... I'm back on Live Journal.
Check my live journal out... here.
Ain't nothing really been going on except chillin' with "Eazy". I talked to my ex last night... he claims he's being on some real shit and he's maturing into a man and realizing things ain't the way they used to be with him. Whateva, I could care less. Don't get it twisted... I ain't missin' him or none of that, we just talked to see how each other been and what's been going on. I ain't even going to tell Earl that I spoke to Kadarrius, shit, Eazy's my baby, but I ain't trying to get him insecure of something's going on with my ex. Eazy's been cheated on by so many bitches it ain't funny and I know how insecurities can get. I ain't one to cheat... not with a lame ex anyways. But ya'll know I can't get in a conversation without fighting or getting mad with Kadarrius... shyt, this motha fucca wanna say my feelings for Earl is rebound because I'm still remembering what me and him had? KD... all we had was arguments, infidelity, pain, and sex. Why would I miss that when I got happiness? Happiness over rules all those. Shit, be real about it. Anyways...
I'm going to Proctor and Gamble today @ 4:00 to fill out that application for this job. They START off by paying $14.00 a hour. Shit, that's what the fucc I need. Lot of money... quick. Ross is hiring but you've got to be 18, I'm not 18 until like 3 months. Maybe they would work with me? I don't know. You never know how people gon' act. Anyways, I'm out.
BUTTA bytched @ 2:06 PM
Check my live journal out... here.
Ain't nothing really been going on except chillin' with "Eazy". I talked to my ex last night... he claims he's being on some real shit and he's maturing into a man and realizing things ain't the way they used to be with him. Whateva, I could care less. Don't get it twisted... I ain't missin' him or none of that, we just talked to see how each other been and what's been going on. I ain't even going to tell Earl that I spoke to Kadarrius, shit, Eazy's my baby, but I ain't trying to get him insecure of something's going on with my ex. Eazy's been cheated on by so many bitches it ain't funny and I know how insecurities can get. I ain't one to cheat... not with a lame ex anyways. But ya'll know I can't get in a conversation without fighting or getting mad with Kadarrius... shyt, this motha fucca wanna say my feelings for Earl is rebound because I'm still remembering what me and him had? KD... all we had was arguments, infidelity, pain, and sex. Why would I miss that when I got happiness? Happiness over rules all those. Shit, be real about it. Anyways...
I'm going to Proctor and Gamble today @ 4:00 to fill out that application for this job. They START off by paying $14.00 a hour. Shit, that's what the fucc I need. Lot of money... quick. Ross is hiring but you've got to be 18, I'm not 18 until like 3 months. Maybe they would work with me? I don't know. You never know how people gon' act. Anyways, I'm out.
BUTTA bytched @ 2:06 PM
