I was just reading over Ebony's blog... and it just reminded me of my ex and the bond and relationship we shared. We had our ups and Lord know's we had fights and our downs, but we love each other beyond surfaces still to this day. I know the love has faded but we were engaged, the love was deep, we could have possibly had a child on the way. We still could... I still have to go to the doctor, but that's a whole different blog. We were so in love... and despite the things I assumed, the things I found, the things I saw and the things I "investigated" and no matter how many times my intuition was right, something deep inside still forces me to TRUST Kadarrius and everything he ever said to me. Love never keeps records of wrongs or how many times you get hurt along your journey with your significant other. I'm stuck between the feeling of leaving and going back to where my heart wants to belong. Kadarrius hurt me when he said it was over, it hurt to find out some truths to my intuition, some of the words he said, but don't all humans always remember more of the negative than the positives in any situation? We can always remember the bad things people say about us or do to us and take it to heart, but when something positive is done, what do we do except let it go in one ear and out the other? So the same applies in relationships... in my case anyways. I know you all don't know the whole situation... but Ebony has really got me into a thinking mode with her blog.
/+/+/- I'm about to go out with my homegirl Nesha, so I'll get at you guys later... ~1. BUTTA bytched @ 9:39 PM
Friday, March 12, 2004
You know that it's over...
This song really hits exactly the points of how im feeling for my ex fiancee... so really this is towards him but im sure many of you can relate on the words im about to speak.
we went through so much together... is it really wrong to still want you? is it wrong to not want to be with you? is it wrong to be in love with you? is it wrong to kick it with all these other guys? im still in the state of confusion of wut i want/need. as i sit back and remember the good times, the bad times and every thing in between i miss you as much as the day when you walked out of my life and didnt even acknowledge that you were coming back. from that point on you had made me see that it was over. i really thought you'd never come back and i really never thought id get over you the least little amount but i have some what. i know you love me, but at the same time im not sure if it's the type of love that i deserve. i feel like its a little less than what i need in my life then at times i compare all the guys i have in my life now to the love you gave me and they cant compare. sometimes i juz want to move on in life and forget you, but i still wear ur ring to symbolize that i will always hold it down for you, no matter wut we go through or where we end up. u were my life, my heart... everything i confided in, everything that i needed and even though it was rough i was content. sometimes i think im over you... sometimes i still sit and cry and wonder if you really do still love me like you claim. you want to be back with me... but then i have these internal conflicts of do i want to really try again for the fear or losing once again and losing my world or do i want to stay single seeing someone new take my place to something i cant regain... the chance is now or never. either way theres a chance that i might end up losing... all i know is that i do love you, no matter the choices i make or the things i do... your girl will ALWAYS ride for you. one love... i love you kadarrius.
ah... a lots been going on lately... my moms fiancees best friend died and we just got the news tonight... its rough. ive had people very close to me die before... and it makes you open your eyes to everything. you never know... you just never know when it's your time to go or someone close to you time to go. do wut u gotta do in life and make sure when and if u do go... u can be proud of the things you accomplished while u were here. thats some knowledge for you. well im out. ill get at yall later. ~1. BUTTA bytched @ 11:54 PM
There's the pictures of Juan that I promised I'd put on here. Since I haven't been getting hardly any comments maybe ya'll will comment when yall see him lol. I think he's still fine, but I LOVED his curly hair. I wish I still had those pictures of him and them curls, but I don't, so this will do. That's my cutt right there, fa' sho. Aight then, if ya'll wanna know more of just think tha boii is just straight up fine, leave some comments and I'll get atcha.
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 10:55 PM
This song really hits exactly the points of how im feeling for my ex fiancee... so really this is towards him but im sure many of you can relate on the words im about to speak.
we went through so much together... is it really wrong to still want you? is it wrong to not want to be with you? is it wrong to be in love with you? is it wrong to kick it with all these other guys? im still in the state of confusion of wut i want/need. as i sit back and remember the good times, the bad times and every thing in between i miss you as much as the day when you walked out of my life and didnt even acknowledge that you were coming back. from that point on you had made me see that it was over. i really thought you'd never come back and i really never thought id get over you the least little amount but i have some what. i know you love me, but at the same time im not sure if it's the type of love that i deserve. i feel like its a little less than what i need in my life then at times i compare all the guys i have in my life now to the love you gave me and they cant compare. sometimes i juz want to move on in life and forget you, but i still wear ur ring to symbolize that i will always hold it down for you, no matter wut we go through or where we end up. u were my life, my heart... everything i confided in, everything that i needed and even though it was rough i was content. sometimes i think im over you... sometimes i still sit and cry and wonder if you really do still love me like you claim. you want to be back with me... but then i have these internal conflicts of do i want to really try again for the fear or losing once again and losing my world or do i want to stay single seeing someone new take my place to something i cant regain... the chance is now or never. either way theres a chance that i might end up losing... all i know is that i do love you, no matter the choices i make or the things i do... your girl will ALWAYS ride for you. one love... i love you kadarrius.
ah... a lots been going on lately... my moms fiancees best friend died and we just got the news tonight... its rough. ive had people very close to me die before... and it makes you open your eyes to everything. you never know... you just never know when it's your time to go or someone close to you time to go. do wut u gotta do in life and make sure when and if u do go... u can be proud of the things you accomplished while u were here. thats some knowledge for you. well im out. ill get at yall later. ~1. BUTTA bytched @ 11:54 PM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
There's the pictures of Juan that I promised I'd put on here. Since I haven't been getting hardly any comments maybe ya'll will comment when yall see him lol. I think he's still fine, but I LOVED his curly hair. I wish I still had those pictures of him and them curls, but I don't, so this will do. That's my cutt right there, fa' sho. Aight then, if ya'll wanna know more of just think tha boii is just straight up fine, leave some comments and I'll get atcha.
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 10:55 PM
DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn... look at how FINE my husband is. Ma$e is fine but damn Nelly is gorgeous. Most females think Nelly's ugly... maybe I'm just different... but shyt he's FINE as fuccccc!!!
Nothing really happened today. Just don't know if i want to be back with my ex or just keep it single. im having fun but its been a month since we broke up and maybe its time to try again with him? i dunno. cant make a decision yet. but i do have pics of someone real close to me and we've grown a lot closer lately... Juan. damn... we been through some shyt together on the real but hes still my baby boy. we've had our ups and downs but i personally think hes fine as hell... i wish i had the older pics to show yall but my ex didnt want me having any pictures of him on my computer or anything so they are gone. i guess ill juz have to post my new pics of him he took on the webcam. ill post that maybe later tonight, in the next minute, tomorrow, next week or a month from now. i dunno ya'll see pics of him sooner or later lol.
aight yall - im out ~1. BUTTA bytched @ 9:15 PM
Damn... look at how FINE my husband is. Ma$e is fine but damn Nelly is gorgeous. Most females think Nelly's ugly... maybe I'm just different... but shyt he's FINE as fuccccc!!!
Nothing really happened today. Just don't know if i want to be back with my ex or just keep it single. im having fun but its been a month since we broke up and maybe its time to try again with him? i dunno. cant make a decision yet. but i do have pics of someone real close to me and we've grown a lot closer lately... Juan. damn... we been through some shyt together on the real but hes still my baby boy. we've had our ups and downs but i personally think hes fine as hell... i wish i had the older pics to show yall but my ex didnt want me having any pictures of him on my computer or anything so they are gone. i guess ill juz have to post my new pics of him he took on the webcam. ill post that maybe later tonight, in the next minute, tomorrow, next week or a month from now. i dunno ya'll see pics of him sooner or later lol.
aight yall - im out ~1. BUTTA bytched @ 9:15 PM
Monday, March 08, 2004
ey yeah i got a new layout up... i wasnt gon put it up then i kept messin with it for like a hour or 2 then i got it lookin different so im happy. and plus its ma$e... the only male to keep me interested in him even after the "rap game". hes always did his thing... mmmmmm plus yall kno hes fine.
well doc put me on to his homeboi clayton... he seems cool so i'll see what happens, but im still tryna see brandon. as i said before hes the VIP HOE... and about that shyt saturday he finally called doc and said he was high and he was in the cut. ah, if he was my man id be trippin right about now but with this shyt im juz relaxed and calm. dun get me wrong im kinna mad shyt aint work out saturday night but hell wtf could i do? shyt happens and theres always another day to kick it. so im juz playin the field and seein wuts out there. i aint lookin for nothing, the right one will come to me, im juz kickin it with potential friends na mean? but im keepin brandon on that VIP HOE list... he keeps me guessin and i like that shyt. i dont like males that juz put themselves out there to me and are willing to do anything... i like a challenge. NOT a GAME... i said CHALLENGE. theres a BIG difference between those 2. i know yall females kno wut im talkin about... cuz men be playin too many damn games and we give up on their asses and they wonder why... ah... look within yall selves and yall see why we dont take shyt from yall no more.
anyways... still lookin for some link exchanges and shyt... so if yall wanna do it, then get at me and ill add ur link.
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 9:24 PM
well doc put me on to his homeboi clayton... he seems cool so i'll see what happens, but im still tryna see brandon. as i said before hes the VIP HOE... and about that shyt saturday he finally called doc and said he was high and he was in the cut. ah, if he was my man id be trippin right about now but with this shyt im juz relaxed and calm. dun get me wrong im kinna mad shyt aint work out saturday night but hell wtf could i do? shyt happens and theres always another day to kick it. so im juz playin the field and seein wuts out there. i aint lookin for nothing, the right one will come to me, im juz kickin it with potential friends na mean? but im keepin brandon on that VIP HOE list... he keeps me guessin and i like that shyt. i dont like males that juz put themselves out there to me and are willing to do anything... i like a challenge. NOT a GAME... i said CHALLENGE. theres a BIG difference between those 2. i know yall females kno wut im talkin about... cuz men be playin too many damn games and we give up on their asses and they wonder why... ah... look within yall selves and yall see why we dont take shyt from yall no more.
anyways... still lookin for some link exchanges and shyt... so if yall wanna do it, then get at me and ill add ur link.
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 9:24 PM
Sunday, March 07, 2004
aint nobody comin' by seein me =(
anyways this weekend was straight... wasnt everything we had planned it to be but rachel HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!!!
i saw brandon friday night but his brother wasnt there for my homegirl and it wasnt nothing special then brandon talked about he wanted to go to the park and chill all day saturday but we finally got in contact with his brother but we couldnt get a hold of brandon saturday. so its whatever i guess. i was extremely pissed off, felt like i got "stood up" in a potential type of way, na mean? but last night... it was straight, we was wilin' out. then this dude i met called and shyt and he's all like tryna act like hes my man and shyt and gettin mad cuz i was out. and well some things went down and it opened my eyes to a lot of shyt and yeah i broke down and called kadarrius and yeah... he was like "i love u" before he hung up and yeah i said it back. i dont know what imma do. i love being single but at the same time i cant be running around all crazy juz because i can do what i want when theres still that connection deep inside for kadarrius. time will tell is all i can say and everything happens for a reason because if brandon would have been with me last night... i would have never called kadarrius and we would have never had the conversation that we had last night... soooooooooooooo as i said time will tell and everything happens for reasons which are unknown.
anyways... i juz got back from the park with doc and rachel... he's puttin me on to his homeboi so imma see wuts up there... he said id like em... so imma see wut goes down. yall get at me with some link exchanges and shyt and ill do tha links!
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 6:26 PM
anyways this weekend was straight... wasnt everything we had planned it to be but rachel HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!!!
i saw brandon friday night but his brother wasnt there for my homegirl and it wasnt nothing special then brandon talked about he wanted to go to the park and chill all day saturday but we finally got in contact with his brother but we couldnt get a hold of brandon saturday. so its whatever i guess. i was extremely pissed off, felt like i got "stood up" in a potential type of way, na mean? but last night... it was straight, we was wilin' out. then this dude i met called and shyt and he's all like tryna act like hes my man and shyt and gettin mad cuz i was out. and well some things went down and it opened my eyes to a lot of shyt and yeah i broke down and called kadarrius and yeah... he was like "i love u" before he hung up and yeah i said it back. i dont know what imma do. i love being single but at the same time i cant be running around all crazy juz because i can do what i want when theres still that connection deep inside for kadarrius. time will tell is all i can say and everything happens for a reason because if brandon would have been with me last night... i would have never called kadarrius and we would have never had the conversation that we had last night... soooooooooooooo as i said time will tell and everything happens for reasons which are unknown.
anyways... i juz got back from the park with doc and rachel... he's puttin me on to his homeboi so imma see wuts up there... he said id like em... so imma see wut goes down. yall get at me with some link exchanges and shyt and ill do tha links!
~1. BUTTA bytched @ 6:26 PM
